he shaved USA in his pubs
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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