Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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