Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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