I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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