they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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