HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize