4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
