I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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