You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
