stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
try to milk me bitch
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