I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
