Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
