I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize