Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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