I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
