your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
