Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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