I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
