I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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