i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
