The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
