Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
