i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
