It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
