i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
