If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
