she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
