You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
