you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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