I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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