you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
