he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
