so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
