Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
