I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize