Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
