yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
