I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
