I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
