I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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