how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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