I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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