At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
