After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
