Will you blow on my dice?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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