I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
