First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
