I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
