my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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