I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
