Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
