and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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