I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize