Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his