Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.

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  (804): So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets. http://tfl.nu/c2eo
  Replies (30) Good night (811) Bad night (1196)
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  (805): View more from California

  Soap is not a condiment

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  (805): Soap is not a condiment http://tfl.nu/gm1k
  Replies (6) Good night (657) Bad night (1083)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster

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  (484): im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster http://tfl.nu/zma4
  Replies (14) Good night (5385) Bad night (980)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.

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  (613): Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors. http://tfl.nu/tkq1
  Replies (20) Good night (8605) Bad night (1233)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka

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  (985): I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka http://tfl.nu/h91z
  Replies (10) Good night (2373) Bad night (1060)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"

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  (613): Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night" http://tfl.nu/ts7x
  Replies (14) Good night (2582) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He's almost as awesome as vicodin.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you

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  (978): He's almost as awesome as vicodin. (513): Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you http://tfl.nu/u3r1
  Replies (8) Good night (2519) Bad night (750)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I was always good at matching as a child.

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  (614): she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her. (614): I was always good at matching as a child. http://tfl.nu/vx3e
  Replies (6) Good night (3741) Bad night (657)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?

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  (914): Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea? http://tfl.nu/04z0
  Replies (8) Good night (1398) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I can feel my liver begging me to stop.

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  (479): I can feel my liver begging me to stop. http://tfl.nu/j2ah
  Replies (2) Good night (965) Bad night (601)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.

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  (765): Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater. http://tfl.nu/rsqd
  Replies (4) Good night (1573) Bad night (611)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic

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  (973): He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic http://tfl.nu/cjxw
  Replies (4) Good night (725) Bad night (498)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....

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  (312): Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird.... http://tfl.nu/u9p7
  Replies (1) Good night (340) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm too stoned to come over for sex

  (813): View more from Florida

  Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'll be right over

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  (727): I'm too stoned to come over for sex (813): Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock (727): I'll be right over http://tfl.nu/llu2
  Replies (11) Good night (1325) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.

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  (210): Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE. http://tfl.nu/t6ru
  Replies (9) Good night (1159) Bad night (359)

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