I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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