What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.