are you wasted or are you getting laid?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
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My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can