I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.