After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
