i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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