Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
