I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
