Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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