3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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