Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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