I CAN MOONWALK!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
