Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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