I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
