My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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