Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He has the fingertips of a God
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