The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
operation harelip BJ is a go
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
