And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he was CRYING into my vagina
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
