A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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