He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
