Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
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Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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