he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
