If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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