Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
