Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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