Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
