My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
