she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
