What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
