I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Mom said you looked used
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
